1 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,115 The Drunken Clam 2 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,620 And now we return to Private José. 3 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:41,124 - Guys, let's go swimming at the old dam. - Yeah! 4 00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:42,501 Wait a minute, children. 5 00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:45,504 Don't bathe in that dam. It's dangerous. 6 00:00:45,671 --> 00:00:47,798 Thank you, soldier José. 7 00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:52,511 Do you want to buy gum? cotton candy or a stuffed animal? 8 00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:55,514 How about an inflatable mallet, huh? It's fun. 9 00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:59,768 They can hit their friend on the head. But don't hit him over the head with it. 10 00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:02,771 Yes, thanks. I don't need any of those things. 11 00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:05,357 Do they have any dents to fix with a mallet? 12 00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:08,819 SOLDIER JOSE 13 00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:11,113 SOLDIER JOSE A REAL MEXICAN HERO 14 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:14,324 I'm Tom Tucker. And now, the traffic report... 15 00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:16,869 ...which won't help him because where you don't have a TV. 16 00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:18,662 But first, get ready, Quahog. 17 00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:23,166 Barry Manilow will perform this weekend at the Quahog Fine Arts Center. 18 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,627 -Barry Manilow. - What a joke. 19 00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:27,921 - How stupid. - And bored to death. 20 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,883 - Don't even say it. - I wouldn't go even if they paid me. 21 00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:34,469 - We should go as a joke. - It would be so much fun. 22 00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:38,515 - Let's see all the idiots. - To Manilow's foolish admirers. 23 00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:40,142 Yes. 24 00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:43,979 - It has a good song. - Yes, "Mandy" is not bad. 25 00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:46,315 Yes, the beginning is good. 26 00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:48,859 And I guess you can't hate "Copacabana." 27 00:01:49,026 --> 00:01:51,195 If you're in the mood. 28 00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:53,363 - "Daybreak" is very good. - Oh, yes. 29 00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:55,991 It's good. I like "Weekend in New England." 30 00:01:56,158 --> 00:01:58,744 - Yeah, what about "Looks Like We Made It." - Not bad. 31 00:01:58,911 --> 00:02:01,121 TRUE? 32 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,540 - Barry Manilow I love it. - He's the best! 33 00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:06,752 - I have everything you recorded! - Me too! In the car! 34 00:02:06,919 --> 00:02:10,005 - We have to go to the concert. - We'll go to the concert. 35 00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:12,674 And I'm... 36 00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:17,971 Ready to try again 37 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:25,103 Ready to risk my love with you 38 00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:30,275 I have lived without anything worthwhile 39 00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:34,988 You get what you want when you go after it 40 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:42,079 And I'm ready to try again time with you 41 00:02:49,545 --> 00:02:52,589 - Thank you. Thank you so much. - You are welcome. 42 00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:55,884 Now I will need the help from someone in the public. 43 00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:58,595 Let's see. What is your name? 44 00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:01,139 -Claire. - No, I don't like it. 45 00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:03,141 - And you? -Harriet. 46 00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:05,227 No, it has to have two syllables. 47 00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:06,395 -Peter. -Cleveland. 48 00:03:06,562 --> 00:03:08,188 -Joseph. Joseph. -Quagmire. 49 00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:11,942 Wow, how exotic. Go on stage to accompany me 50 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:13,610 - Runs! - My God! 51 00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:16,780 - It's Glenn! - Right now I hate you. 52 00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:20,409 The night turns into the morning 53 00:03:20,576 --> 00:03:23,120 just another day 54 00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:27,791 There are happy people passing by me 55 00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:30,961 Looking into their eyes 56 00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:33,046 I see a memory 57 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,465 I never realized 58 00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,676 How happy you made me 59 00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:40,095 Quagmire 60 00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:43,599 You came and gave me without taking anything 61 00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:45,017 I never would, Barry. 62 00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:46,810 But I made you leave 63 00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:49,271 Quagmire 64 00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:54,151 You kissed me and made me stop shaking 65 00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:56,069 and today I need you 66 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,989 Quagmire 67 00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:00,616 God, what talent he has. 68 00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:03,076 He made the advertising spots from Kentucky Fried Chicken. 69 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:07,623 I don't like them. not after of what happened to Gallo Claudio. 70 00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:10,709 Son, what are they cooking here? 71 00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:15,631 I was passing by here and noticed the aroma of eleven herbs and spices... 72 00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:20,761 Look at that boy, running around like a chicken with a corked head... Wait a minute. 73 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,893 This Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! Just one day. 74 00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:30,854 LASIK eye centers They will heal your eyes. 75 00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:34,191 How much would you pay for laser surgery? 500 dollars? 76 00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:35,817 Seven hundred dollars? 77 00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:37,819 Ten thousand dollars? 78 00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:39,905 How about twelve dollars? 79 00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:41,823 Dr. Lee Feldstein. 80 00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:44,034 Authorized. Titled. 81 00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:46,203 Totally Jewish. Jew. 82 00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:49,706 Come to Hydrox Stadium this Sunday, Sunday. 83 00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:53,710 Fix your eyes. Unless he doesn't have balls. 84 00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:55,546 Jew. 85 00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:58,841 Hey, it would be good for me a Jewish eye operation. 86 00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,843 What the devil? Where is my wallet? 87 00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:04,096 Shit, I must have dropped it. at the Barry Manilow concert. 88 00:05:04,263 --> 00:05:06,974 Did you drop it where? And where was I? 89 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:10,102 Peter, you and your excuses for losing the wallet. 90 00:05:10,269 --> 00:05:12,104 "I dropped it at the concert." 91 00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:14,022 "The whore took it from me." "My other family has it." 92 00:05:14,189 --> 00:05:15,190 That was true. 93 00:05:15,357 --> 00:05:18,485 And let me tell you something. They love me just the way I am. 94 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:22,281 Well, Peter, have you a good business trip. 95 00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:23,448 QUAHOG AIRPORT 96 00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:28,036 Taxi. 97 00:05:28,203 --> 00:05:29,621 WELCOME TO CHICAGO O'HARE 98 00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:35,335 -Who is hungry? - Well, mom is home. 99 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,045 Hi darling. 100 00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:39,131 It's good that you are here. While you were 101 00:05:39,214 --> 00:05:41,091 Outside I tried to wash clothes. 102 00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:47,431 Your favorite shirt. Adam Kenneth Handleman, when will you learn? 103 00:05:51,435 --> 00:05:55,272 Oh my God, Peter, your account. Visa fee is $16,000. 104 00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:59,651 Someone has been using your card. Don't you Did you cancel it when you lost your wallet? 105 00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:01,153 I understand what you are saying... 106 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:05,991 ...but unlike me, The interest on my card is very light. 107 00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:07,159 Let me see that. 108 00:06:07,326 --> 00:06:11,205 Giant screen television, massage chair, plane tickets. 109 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:14,458 Peter, it's obvious that someone He stole your credit card. 110 00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:15,918 The good thing is the following. 111 00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:19,588 Whoever the thief is, He spends less than my wife. 112 00:06:19,755 --> 00:06:22,966 Look at this. Eat at Chung's House every day. 113 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:26,887 Chung House. Come on, Brian. I'm going to get revenge. 114 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:30,098 How I did with the dove that shit on my car. 115 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:39,525 That is. Leave it very clean. 116 00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:41,693 CHUNG'S HOUSE 117 00:06:43,862 --> 00:06:46,990 It's very full. How will you know who has your card? 118 00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:49,034 - I know, Brian. Smell my butt. - That? 119 00:06:49,201 --> 00:06:53,330 It's where I put my wallet. catch the smell and find the guy who smells like me. 120 00:06:53,497 --> 00:06:55,582 - That's ridiculous. - Come on, catch the fragrance. 121 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,793 - Enough. It's disgusting. - Do it. 122 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:02,381 You're an idiot, you know that? Wait. 123 00:07:02,548 --> 00:07:03,841 Your wallet is over there. 124 00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:09,805 My God, it's you. 125 00:07:09,972 --> 00:07:12,015 James Woods. 126 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:16,353 Hello, Peter. I was waiting for you. 127 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,898 You stole my card, son of a bitch. What have I done to you? 128 00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:23,277 Good question, Peter. What have you done to me? 129 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,737 What have you done to James Woods? 130 00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:28,699 I put you in a wooden box and I forgot to make a hole. 131 00:07:28,866 --> 00:07:31,577 - You forgot to make a hole. - You deserved it. 132 00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,745 Mr. Woods, give him back the wallet to Peter. 133 00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:37,666 No, Brian. I have only just begun. Peter, you humiliated me. 134 00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:42,337 You put me through hell. And now you're going to pay for it. 135 00:07:42,504 --> 00:07:44,047 So get ready. 136 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,803 That kung pao chicken smells good. Do you smell it, Brian? 137 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,889 I can only smell your ass. 138 00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:58,604 Lois, we found the guy who stole my wallet You'll never guess who it is. 139 00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:01,607 -James Woods? - Hello, stranger. 140 00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:04,860 I don't remember inviting you to my house. 141 00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:07,362 Peter, you've been here for four hours. 142 00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:10,073 I told him to go away, but he says he lives here. 143 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:14,286 This is more uncomfortable than having to James Brady at a cocktail party. 144 00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:20,375 Well I have my gun and I shoot at random to a group of people and then... 145 00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:23,504 - And then what? - And nothing. Nothing. 146 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:26,340 I'm looking forward to hearing the end of history. 147 00:08:26,507 --> 00:08:28,634 It's stupid. 148 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,552 It's a stupid story. 149 00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:34,890 - I'm going to call the police. - It won't be necessary. I have already called her. 150 00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:40,395 Hello, officer. Could you take out to this intruder of my house? 151 00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,356 That? It's my house. 152 00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:46,652 No, this house belongs to Peter Griffin. And that's me. 153 00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:49,404 driver's license, social security card. 154 00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:54,076 Passport, property deed. It puts me in a bind. 155 00:08:54,243 --> 00:08:57,955 Joe, you can't believe that. You know who Peter is. 156 00:08:58,121 --> 00:09:00,791 Lois, this man has all documents in order. 157 00:09:00,958 --> 00:09:02,751 Come on, it's identity theft. 158 00:09:02,918 --> 00:09:05,921 I hate to do it, but I'm afraid that legally I have no other option. 159 00:09:06,088 --> 00:09:07,923 I have to ask you to come out, sir. 160 00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:10,717 Thanks, Joe. Shall we have something to drink later? 161 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,553 - Sure, Peter. -Joe. 162 00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:16,265 Not so fast, friend. Those clothes are mine. 163 00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:19,268 - Come on. - You heard it, friend. Take it off. 164 00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:21,979 Until you are left alone with the bag of poop. 165 00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:25,858 That? Don't they carry a poop bag? 166 00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:29,611 Shit, Bonnie! You lied to me about the bag! 167 00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:38,829 Hello, family. Hello darling. 168 00:09:38,996 --> 00:09:41,748 Stop calling me that. I don't care what the law says. 169 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,710 You're not Peter Griffin, you're James Woods. 170 00:09:44,877 --> 00:09:48,589 I should have warned him that in the mornings She can be a real bitch. 171 00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:51,341 Mom, this is very strange. I want dad to come back. 172 00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:54,469 I don't. have a famous father It's very exciting. 173 00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:58,182 Not like the false excitement of finding you with your ex-girlfriend on the street. 174 00:09:58,348 --> 00:09:59,975 Rob? Hello. 175 00:10:00,142 --> 00:10:03,770 - How are you? I'm glad to see you. - I'm wondering the same. 176 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,565 How is my dog? Sorry, your dog. 177 00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:09,860 - I had to give it away. - Give it away. 178 00:10:10,027 --> 00:10:12,029 - Dave is allergic. - Dave! 179 00:10:12,196 --> 00:10:15,449 Great, there's a Dave. Brilliant. God, Dave sounds amazing. 180 00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:18,535 Yes it is. And his parents are very sweet. 181 00:10:18,702 --> 00:10:23,290 You've met his parents and they are sweet. They are older Daves. 182 00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:26,001 Go family. Well, I'm glad to see you. 183 00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:28,295 You won't get away with it. 184 00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:30,464 You shouldn't be inside the house, Brian. 185 00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:33,550 - You're an outside dog. - What the hell does that mean? 186 00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:36,762 This is humiliating. For God's sake, I studied in 187 00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:39,932 Brown and you got me out here tied like a... 188 00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:46,230 What the hell? This rope It was much longer and now it is shorter. 189 00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:49,566 - What kind of black magic is this? - Brian, you know what? 190 00:10:49,733 --> 00:10:53,111 I have given your novel to James Woods and you won't believe it. 191 00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:56,073 - Oh really? Did you like it? - He wants the rights to a movie. 192 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,867 - Oh really? - No, he hasn't said anything. 193 00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:01,745 I need your help. Bring me some scissors. 194 00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:03,288 - No. - Why not? 195 00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:06,750 Why did you make me watch the video? Two girls and a glass. 196 00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:09,253 - Very good. What's happening? - You look. 197 00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:12,089 - Why are you recording my reaction? - You look. 198 00:11:12,256 --> 00:11:14,842 Very good. They are lesbians, clearly. 199 00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:17,886 I don't know... 200 00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:22,683 I don't know what else... Wait. 201 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,434 Wait. 202 00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:26,520 That? 203 00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:28,814 That? 204 00:11:28,981 --> 00:11:30,732 No. 205 00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:32,651 No. 206 00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:39,950 What's wrong with you? My God! 207 00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:48,542 I won't be able to eat ice cream again never again. My God! 208 00:11:51,336 --> 00:11:53,422 My God. 209 00:11:57,718 --> 00:12:00,637 It's disgusting. 210 00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:04,850 God. Can you imagine if two guys did it? 211 00:12:05,017 --> 00:12:07,060 My God. It would be even worse. 212 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:09,980 I mean... That... Would it exist? 213 00:12:10,147 --> 00:12:15,277 Where would you find it? Let's write it and see what comes out. 214 00:12:15,444 --> 00:12:18,113 You can rot here, Brian. 215 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:20,407 What are you doing tied to Meg's pole? 216 00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:23,952 You have to go. If James Woods sees you, will call the police. 217 00:12:24,161 --> 00:12:26,580 I miss my family, Brian, I have to see it. 218 00:12:27,039 --> 00:12:30,542 Wow, wow. An intruder on my property. 219 00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:32,878 It's the worst thing that's happened to me since... 220 00:12:33,045 --> 00:12:34,129 You wouldn't do it. 221 00:12:34,296 --> 00:12:39,092 It's up to you, Peter. Or you leave now or I'll show you one of your retrospectives. 222 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,094 - Very good, okay. - What else does it give you? 223 00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:43,514 No, no, Brian, he's serious. 224 00:12:48,977 --> 00:12:53,565 I'll come back to look for you, Lois. and I will teach you retrospectives, like I used to do. 225 00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:57,528 Like when I swallowed the dwarf who played Mini-Me to make you laugh. 226 00:12:57,778 --> 00:13:00,280 - Ready for dinner, Peter? - Yes. 227 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:05,244 In fact, my stomach He's been talking to me all day. 228 00:13:06,328 --> 00:13:10,332 I said that the stomach He's been talking to me all day. 229 00:13:11,375 --> 00:13:14,586 Come on, say the phrase. 230 00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:17,673 Here it is. I think it got into me in the colon. Yes. 231 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:20,968 Damn, he's suffocated. But let me ask you, Lois. 232 00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:23,345 If my stomach had said: "I'm hungry. 233 00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:25,639 How about some pork chops?" 234 00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:28,851 -Would you have found it funny? - To be honest no. 235 00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:32,104 So it was a joke which totally failed. 236 00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:36,984 It's horrible. 237 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:41,405 James Woods is destroying this family and only to get revenge on Peter. 238 00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:44,491 I know, he does everything daddy does. normally. 239 00:13:44,658 --> 00:13:46,910 Now he's upstairs talking to Meg. 240 00:13:47,077 --> 00:13:50,330 Do you want to be thin like the young stars of Hollywood? 241 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,040 Yes, but I love to eat. 242 00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:56,712 I know how you can eat everything you want and look like a Hollywood star. 243 00:13:56,879 --> 00:14:00,340 Meg, let me introduce you to Mr. Vomit. 244 00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,759 - Hello, Meg. - Hello. 245 00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:06,471 Mr. Vomit, you are very good in making a fat woman look hot. 246 00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:10,434 Thank you. Do you think it could help to my friend Meg? 247 00:14:10,601 --> 00:14:14,021 Yes, I think I could give you a hand. 248 00:14:21,236 --> 00:14:25,908 Close your eyes, Meg, and let Mr. Vomit help you. 249 00:14:28,452 --> 00:14:31,830 When did Reese Witherspoon get here? 250 00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:39,129 Mr. Woods, what do I do? to like a girl? 251 00:14:39,296 --> 00:14:41,798 Chris, I'm your father. Call me dad. 252 00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:43,842 Good. 253 00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:47,471 Dad. What do I do to make a girl like me? 254 00:14:47,638 --> 00:14:49,932 Well, there are several ways, Chris. 255 00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:54,478 For example, Heather Graham and I We had a mutual friend. 256 00:14:54,645 --> 00:14:57,523 One day he had a party and we agreed. 257 00:14:57,689 --> 00:15:01,026 When we realized it, we were in the back. Come on, I'll hit you. 258 00:15:01,193 --> 00:15:04,530 - He didn't even let me use a condom. - How much class. 259 00:15:04,696 --> 00:15:06,823 Not at all, Chris. Not at all. 260 00:15:10,661 --> 00:15:14,790 What am I going to do, Brian? James Woods It has stolen my life and family. 261 00:15:14,957 --> 00:15:18,794 But it is very difficult to fight against theft of identity. How are you going to do it? 262 00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:22,840 I don't know. I just know that I miss Lois. 263 00:15:23,006 --> 00:15:25,592 I have to find a way to see it. 264 00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:28,595 And I think I've had an idea. 265 00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:31,515 Much better than when I did magic for the blind. 266 00:15:33,183 --> 00:15:35,853 - Is this your letter? - Don't know. 267 00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:40,023 - Was it red? - I don't know what red is. 268 00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:50,951 Do you know what's amazing? in a week We have been married for twenty years. 269 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:53,412 I married Peter Griffin, lunatic. 270 00:15:53,579 --> 00:15:56,498 I was there, see? 271 00:15:58,417 --> 00:16:03,338 Hello everyone. I'm sorry I'm late. I invited a friend to dinner. 272 00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:06,550 Mother. Dad. This is Scooter. 273 00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:09,970 - Hello, Scooter. - Hello, Scooter. 274 00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:13,807 Hello. It's great to be invited to dinner. What's for dinner, Mrs. G? 275 00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:17,728 Meat, Pe... I mean, Scooter. I hope you like it. 276 00:16:17,895 --> 00:16:22,065 - Great, meat is my favorite. - How have we never seen you? 277 00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:24,234 - Shut up, Meg. -Scooter... 278 00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:26,528 ...we do not allow caps at the table. 279 00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:29,406 - I'm sorry, Mr. G. - Dad, no. 280 00:16:29,573 --> 00:16:30,782 I knew it! 281 00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:34,786 Get out of my house right now, you son of a bitch. 282 00:16:54,306 --> 00:16:56,433 It's over, Brian. 283 00:16:56,600 --> 00:17:00,062 I guess he won. Now he is Peter Griffin. 284 00:17:00,229 --> 00:17:01,438 Wait a minute, Peter. 285 00:17:01,605 --> 00:17:05,400 If he is Peter Griffin, you can be James Woods. 286 00:17:05,567 --> 00:17:07,486 What a great idea, Brian. 287 00:17:07,653 --> 00:17:10,322 If I were a famous star I wouldn't even love my family. 288 00:17:10,489 --> 00:17:14,785 No, no, Peter. You can do it what he did to you. You can ruin it. 289 00:17:14,952 --> 00:17:18,121 I will do that. I'll be James Woods. 290 00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:22,668 From today I am James Woods. 291 00:17:22,835 --> 00:17:25,838 And I'll hold on to that story although no one believes me. 292 00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:29,007 I'll tell you what no one believes in, in ghosts 293 00:17:29,174 --> 00:17:33,470 Where did Robinson Crusoe go With Friday on Saturday night? 294 00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:35,973 Damn. Play, Johnny. 295 00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:43,480 You will surely wonder why is he in hell? 296 00:17:43,647 --> 00:17:45,440 Johnny liked children. 297 00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:53,448 The question is, how will I that people think I'm James Woods? 298 00:17:53,615 --> 00:17:56,952 Just like he did, Peter. Identity theft is the same for everyone. 299 00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:59,746 The first thing will be to get you a fake ID. 300 00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,456 I know a guy who works very well. 301 00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:04,877 You take a risk. James Woods It can arrive at any time. 302 00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:08,714 - I know. How fast can you go? - Like Spider Man when he has sex. 303 00:18:08,881 --> 00:18:12,509 God. I'm sorry. It had never happened to me before. 304 00:18:12,676 --> 00:18:15,971 But you are very attractive and it's been a long time. 305 00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:17,764 Leave. 306 00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:23,228 Welcome back to the program. 307 00:18:23,395 --> 00:18:26,899 Welcome to our next guest, James Woods. 308 00:18:29,401 --> 00:18:32,654 - Wait, you're not James Woods. - I think so. 309 00:18:32,821 --> 00:18:36,158 driver's license, card Social Security, American Express. 310 00:18:36,325 --> 00:18:37,701 What the hell is he doing? 311 00:18:37,868 --> 00:18:39,870 I assume you are James Woods. 312 00:18:40,037 --> 00:18:42,998 Let's see if I understand it. What have you come to promote? 313 00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:47,044 Dave, next month premiere a hilarious HBO movie. 314 00:18:47,211 --> 00:18:51,798 It's from September 11. the movie It's called September 11, 2000 bomb. 315 00:18:53,008 --> 00:18:55,928 No! No. No, no, no. 316 00:18:56,094 --> 00:18:58,889 It sounds incredibly offensive. for Americans. 317 00:18:59,056 --> 00:19:01,225 You don't know what the movie is about. 318 00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:04,019 I am a window cleaner who just to clean... 319 00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:06,730 ...the last window of the World Trade Center. 320 00:19:06,897 --> 00:19:10,692 And I'm going to leave the scaffolding and what do you think I see coming. 321 00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:13,904 A plane. And I say, "Let's go!" 322 00:19:14,071 --> 00:19:17,241 You know, it's a comedy like the old ones. 323 00:19:17,407 --> 00:19:20,911 It's like two pies in the face and one in a field in Pennsylvania. 324 00:19:21,078 --> 00:19:25,249 - I don't want to hear anything else. - And the voice of the plane is David Spade. 325 00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:31,839 That? I would never work with David Spade. That dwarf. That skinny chicken... 326 00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:33,882 The Drunken Clam 327 00:19:34,049 --> 00:19:36,260 Well, it's been a productive week. 328 00:19:36,426 --> 00:19:40,097 I think we have successfully destroyed the reputation of James Woods. 329 00:19:40,264 --> 00:19:41,265 There it is. 330 00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:44,852 The main note remains the fall of actor James Woods. 331 00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:48,313 that overnight He went from being the most beloved character... 332 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,190 ...the most hated pariah in America. 333 00:19:51,859 --> 00:19:54,987 You're in big trouble, Griffin! You son of a bitch. 334 00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:58,866 No, sir. You are Peter Griffin. I'm James Woods. 335 00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:03,161 You have ruined my reputation. And now you're going to pay for it. 336 00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:07,207 - We will settle accounts like men. - Well, we will settle accounts like men. 337 00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:10,460 But not here. go to the alley within twenty minutes. 338 00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:14,548 I'll be there. You too, little faggot. 339 00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:16,675 20 MINUTES LATER 340 00:20:16,884 --> 00:20:19,970 All right, Peter, here I am. Where are you? 341 00:20:21,013 --> 00:20:23,724 A candy. A candy. 342 00:20:24,516 --> 00:20:26,101 A candy. 343 00:20:26,310 --> 00:20:27,769 A candy. 344 00:20:27,978 --> 00:20:29,229 A candy. 345 00:20:29,438 --> 00:20:30,689 A candy. 346 00:20:30,898 --> 00:20:32,191 A candy. 347 00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:35,068 A candy. A candy. 348 00:20:37,529 --> 00:20:41,408 Next time let's remember this right away because he's done it twice. 349 00:20:45,037 --> 00:20:47,539 Peter, we are so happy that you have returned. 350 00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:50,250 - I've missed you. - Me too, Lois. 351 00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:52,252 What happened to James Woods? 352 00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,713 The men upstairs are examining it. 353 00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:58,550 - Who is it? - The men upstairs. 354 00:21:49,142 --> 00:21:51,144 Translation: Claudia Garcia